Thank You for All the Support

In the spirit of honesty, I’m going to be share my experience over the last few days… After my short-short story, “Heated Argument” (https://themagzee.wordpress.com/2014/01/14/heated-arguement/), was “Freshly Pressed,” I watch the number of followers of my blog climb with growing anxiety. I was proud, encouraged, and felt supported, but the anxiety literally blocked it all out. It’s the reason I’ve almost completely avoided my blog since I heard that “Heated Argument” was going to be Freshly Pressed. It’s kind of ridiculous, because, let’s be honest, writers love the feedback. We love to know that our words are being read. And, all of the likes and the words you’ve shared with me have been nothing but encouraging. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t appreciate all of the support, because I genuinely do! I feel the love, under the deep layer of anxiety. Haha.

I’ve mentioned the problems I have with anxiety before, and that’s the thing about anxiety, like fear, sometimes it’s just not all that logical. And, the best way for me to deal with it is to just post something, try to use the anxiety to push myself forward (plus, I’m really behind on the Zero to Hero challenge now), and not look back. I guess I feel the pressure to say something of substance, now that it’s more than 10 followers. Of course, maybe I should have felt that pressure all along…

I look forward to checking out all of your blogs and thank you, again, for all of the encouraging words you’ve all shared. You’re all awesome!

Also, I’m at a loss for what to do for my new challenge this week. I went to bed Sunday night, fully intending on not watching TV for a week, but woke up Monday, unable to function without watching a some with breakfast. Try again the next day, you say? I did. Same thing happened. I may try one more time, but since the week is halfway over and my hometown is now covered in snow for the next few days, what else am I supposed to do?

Song I’m listening to as I press “Publish”: Skinny Love by Bon Iver – a song that calms me (give it a listen)

Music: Stubborn Love and Flaws

Once in a while, I find a song that I know must be on the soundtrack to my life (see the page “Soundtrack to My Life” above). The moment the notes hit my ears, I know that it belongs in my story. It’s inspiring and awakens the creative. Sometimes it even touches me in a way that makes me want to be a better person. Other times it echoes what I’m going through back to me in a way that gives me perspective. This is one of those songs…

“It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.”
These words couldn’t be truer to my story at the moment. I awoke this morning after about 5 hours of sleep in a state of anxiety… seemingly my resting state these days. However, today, as I sat up in bed, I closed my eyes and smiled, relishing the feeling. I let it drive me all day, instead of terrifying and paralyzing me. I’m having trouble sleeping, again. But this time, it’s because I don’t want to miss anything. Even though life’s a real struggle right now, I am appreciating the ride. I feel deep inside me that I need to experience what I am right now; I need to feel these things, despite how much I’d prefer not to.

“When we were young, oh, oh, we did enough”
Sometimes, I feel like I’m missing out on all the stupid-fun I used to have. 22-year-old me would not approve of me staying in on a weekend night, but 28-year-old me doesn’t want to deal with 22-year-olds anymore and doesn’t have the patience to deal with general douche-baggery. I find myself thinking back on old times and smiling, though, gathering old memories like precious stones. I guess, when I was young, I did do enough… 🙂

As a bonus:

It’s an interesting concept: “wearing your flaws upon your sleeve.”