My first blog post… I don’t really know how to start, but I guess I should give some context to my blog. I’ve always had a passion for writing, but I’ve been living in a world of distraction. I’ve avoided thinking about things, meditating, even just talking about things because I don’t want to bring up emotions and memories that are really quite painful. My drug of choice is Netflix, because watching tv and movies are literally the easiest form of distraction. Your brain doesn’t have to do any work. I’ve recently come to realize that I don’t want to live like that anymore, because it’s not really living. It’s really just a constant state of denial. I live with a mild traumatic brain injury and severe chronic pain, and both have had a tremendous toll on me as a person and my personality.
You see, 5 years ago, I was in an accident that changed my life and I wasn’t one of those people that triumphed over adversity. I fell deep into the second type of survivor: the self-loathing, failure, unable to accept that I wasn’t the same person. I’m sure there are as many types of survivors as there are people who have survived any traumas, but I think all of us want to fit into the first category.
I have ignored the little voices in my head that imply there are certain things I could do to improve my life, like writing and meditation. My mind is so full of ideas and emotions, but I’ve ignored it all for so long. Denying your creative outlet kind of feels like drowning. You have so many things to say, but you just bury them deep. Writing has always been a way to figure things out and decode the jumble of thoughts going on in my head.
I swear my writing will get better. I’m out of practice.